btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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