Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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