The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
