I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
