He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
