dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You've changed since you got that strap on
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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