She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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