Betty ford says i'm here all night
well I can't set my house on fire every night
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
