Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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