Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
