At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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