Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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