when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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