I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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