Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
