the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
