I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
