Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
