I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
foreskin is a definite game changer
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
