I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
