My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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