In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
