All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
