I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh god it's open bar.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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