dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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