My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
