you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
only you would photoshop your dick
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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