Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
