I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
