i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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