It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
