The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
