no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
