Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
