I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
