he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
