he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
