I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
