So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
