Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second

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(330): View more from Ohio

I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.

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(775): View more from Nevada

He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.

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(248): View more from Michigan

She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."

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(941): View more from Florida

We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.

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(214): View more from Texas

I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"

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(206): View more from Washington

Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.

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(425): View more from Washington

Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.

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