just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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