I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
