Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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