you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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