Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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