I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
