Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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