She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
