guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
