then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
